FLEADH 2016 ORGANISERS FLY IN JAPANESE SUBWAY PUSHERS TO HELP FIT CROWDS DOWN NARROW STREETS OF ENNI

Cult Ass and Fleadh 2016 organisers have flown in Japanese sub-way pushers to help deal with the crowds trying to fit down Ennis’s narrow streets.

Thousands of people have been wedged together trying to walk down O’Connell Street and other streets in the town centre, forcing organisers to take the drastic step of employing the specialist Asian crowd pushers.

The sub-way pushers are known all over the world for their expertise in forcing people into already overcrowded trains on the sub-way in Tokyo and are expected to perform the same task on the streets of Ennis.

Organisers told The Drone: “We knew when Ennis was awarded the Fleadh that this would be the case. The streets are narrow enough with just one car going down them, never mind 400,000 people.”

“These experts are at the top of their game when it comes to dealing with crowds. They take no nonsense and if they think they can fit one more drunken gobshite down an already thronged street at the Fleadh then they’ll go for it!”

The pushers have a hands on style and don’t think twice about laying them on any man, woman or child. Whether they’re fat, skinny or somewhere in between, fiddle player, accordion player or just some oul singer, they’ll shove them in there.

Musicians have expressed concern however that the Japanese pushers will actually be employed by Cult-Ass to fit as many people into a session as possible and that they won’t stop until every pub is filled with long-haired wankers bashing bodhrans and every street corner taken up by annoying kids busking.

Organisers have allayed these fears and said that they fully expect every musician to have a comfortable amount of space to play, saying that 1 ½ foot of playing room will be allocated to each musician for a reasonable price.